Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
