your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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