the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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