i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your mankini haunted my dreams.