Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?