Plan B is the new Plan A
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?