Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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