Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat