im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
