if you like me you must not know who I am
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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