there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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