she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
