Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
