guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
