I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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