My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
