it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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