ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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