That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
