i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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