Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
