nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
