i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
