So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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