I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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