dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
