The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
