And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
