Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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