Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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