I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
