6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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