farters have to be the big spoon...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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