i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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