Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
