Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
