we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
