He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
