We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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