And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
