His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
