am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's blow job season.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
