He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
