Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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