well I can't set my house on fire every night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
