But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
