There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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