This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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