And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
