i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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