lets start a swedish sibling band together
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
