I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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