Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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