Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
