I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
