I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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