No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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