I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
