My nipple is on Facebook.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
