New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
