Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this will be a night to untag.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
