had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
