The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
