I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
