I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
