I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
