just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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