she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
