I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
