k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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