Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I died a long time ago.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
