What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
