that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
