He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
