i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
