I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
